There are a lot of busy people that live in Waipahu and Aiea. These people have jobs mostly in town or in another part of the island. Traffic is a major problem, our state has been ranked eleven for having the worst traffic. We've been thinking of other solutions that could solve this problem. There have been some second thoughts on rail and other high tech transportation needs. Although, it gets crowded the Zipper lane is the best solution.
Rail and the straddaling bus are both good ideas to solve our traffic problem. Hawaii is currently trying to save money and it costs a lot if money to begin production of these modes of transportation. I believe that the cheapest way to solve this solution is the zipper lane. The zipper lane also just involves setting up barriers in the morning unlike the Rail project we'd have to wait at least thirty years until we'd be able to use it. The Zipper lane is also free when you travel on it you don't have to pay three dollars for a ride everyday.
The zipper lane can benefit us when we use it. The Zipper lane is basically a way to prevent traffic congestion of the H-1. The Zipper lane doesn't stop until you reach the airport which is close to town. The zipper lane is only available in he morning when everyone is trying to get to work. Sometimes the Zipper lane gets crowded when others decide to use for other reasons to get into town besides work.
The zipper lane is also a way to preseve the beautiful paradise that we live in. If we were to add the Rail to our islands it would take away space. It would also take away the beauty and serenity from this island. This would make our island look more industrial and we'd lose our reputation of being a tropical paradise. Tourists come to the island to relax and get away from the busy city that they try to get away from.
All in all, the zipper lane has proven to be the best solution. The zipper lane is cheaper, and ecofriendly. Its also easier to construct instead of the rail system.
Hmm, this was a very good draft. I like how you said that the zipper lane won't take away the scenery & the fact that we can get it right away instead of waiting 30 years for the rail transit. Somethings that you could change is your thesis statement because it doesn't really tell the readers that you're that concerned. OH! & there is one sentence that you could change. "There have been some second thoughts on rail" you could tell us why there are second thoughts on the rail transits. Okay, that's about all. Other than that, good job (:
ReplyDeleteOne thing I like about your essay is that you explained that the zipper lane won't take away the beauty of the island. On the other hand, you should add more vocabulary in your writing. You should also fix up your thesis a little bit because it only shows a pro about the topic and not a con or a bad thing about it. Other than that, good job! Keep it up! :)
ReplyDeleteHi Christian,
ReplyDeleteIt sounds as if you are saying that we should not make any changes and keep the solution that we have now. That would be okay as a thesis, but you would need to provide more data about the numbers of cars using our roads now, and what's projected for the future, and show that the zipper lane will be sufficient.
You also need to provide stats about traffic congestion as it exists now and show why that is acceptable, or a better alternative than building something new.
I think you probably can support your point, but you need a lot more specific support on both sides to put together a successful essay.
mrs s